Results of more online quizzes...

state that I'm not only evil, but that I also used to be a man. It's funny since I've recently been writing fiction about a sailor knot which a children's book author, not a sailor, left in my throat ever since he returned to his 2nd wife. So I guess that was only my ex-Adam's apple.

The Sloat celebrity pop quiz says:

Arlene,
You are the cult figure Christopher Walken who said, "I don't need to be made to look evil. I can do that all on my own."

Out of curiosity, and to disprove Dr. Sloat's claims, I checked out the Evilness Test which states—

I am 42% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

Hee. I'm beginning to scare even myself! All I can say is:

Sunday's fairy princess is Sharon's Emma:

Shaking the Rattle

Just discovered that issue #24 of Rattle is now online. They've included my poem, Of geese under the "Featured Poets" section. Yay!

Website completed, almost:

Alice Folkart's, a Blueline moderator who likes cats.

Today's 350 words (approx.) of fiction:

Woke up at 8 a.m. to write a bit of crap called Confessions of the Flying Baked Potato. Yikes, I've been so good and industrious these past two days, it's scary! Michi, who likes speaking with a drunken slur in my mind, would say: No, honey. That's not scary. That's fiction.

Recent rejection:

Received a nice e-mail from Bitter Oleander—

Dear Anne,

Thank you for your submission and your patience in awaiting our rather tardy response to your Five Poems. Although they were not a fit for us, it was our pleasure to consider them and hope to see further work from you in the future.

All best wishes,

Paul B. Roth, editor & publisher
The Bitter Oleander Press
www.bitteroleander.com

     Submission date: 24 April 2006
     Reply date: 16 June 2006
     Comments: No, I refuse to believe it. No, no, no, no. Someone please tell me this nice editor didn't just call me Anne.

Today's healthy reminder:

Please throw out those moldy lemons that are stinking up the house.

Today's child Valerie's Madeline:

Who survived driving lesson #3?

I, the driving instructor and the townspeople -- including two (2) mothers with baby carriages.

Activities I'm getting good at behind the wheel:

· doing straight roads while shifting gears;
· doing slow curves which require little footwork;
· slowing down without killing the engine;
· going very slow 150m from a red traffic light -- so much so that it actually turns green by the time I get there and don't have to start-up [yay! car horns are prohibited by law in cities, so I don't hear anyone complain ];
· panicking at the sight of mothers with baby carriages who take up part of the road (mine) in a blind curve.

Activities I'm struggling with behind the wheel:

· re-starting the car at intersections, then turning left/right;
· re-starting the car, period;
· finding my way out of traffic circles.

I rather like to think I'm improving. The instructor was less cheeky, more encouraging today. He did mention breaking into cold sweat every time I do curves. But he just hooted Assassina! four (4) times... once because I rather panicked at the sight of too many cars on the intersection and went into a trance with my foot on the clutch -- which prevented him from starting the car and moving it/us out of the traffic zone.

Incredible writing update:

Wheeeeee! I finally quit stalling and wrote approx. 600 words of fiction this morning. Haven't written a short story since 2000... am doing it for fun with my favorite sandbox playmate, Valerie. I think we were rather sad about finishing the Bundles manuscript and this seemed a nice way to go on writing crazy stuff together. The incredible part about all this is I actually woke up at 5 a.m. to write.

Baked potato in the sky with diamonds:

Since everyone enjoyed my niece's picture yesterday, here's another one. It's a flying baked potato -- flying carpets, my dears, are out-dated by now.



In case anyone wants me to do their kids, just hoot. Doing these things just tickles me pink.

Took some time off from writing...

and just moaned about with migraine. I actually slept more than 12 hours between Monday night (while all neighbors were shouting their World Cup joy -- Italy 2 : Ghana 0) and Tuesday morning.

Driving update:

I actually did better on my second driving lesson -- the instructor commented on it and muttered Assassina! only 5 times (I counted) towards the end when I mistook the clutch for the brake pedal. I think I might be getting the hang of it -- at least I no longer have that funny sensation of being driven by a mindless car instead of driving it.

I'm scheduled for another lesson tomorrow.

The good/bad news is I've postponed the written exam to September. Have decided to leave for Manila in July since I --erm-- just discovered that my passport is about to expire and I'd rather renew it there than go to Rome. Plus, the plane tickets in August cost €300 more... I figured I can get a truckload of books with that money, or maybe a new digital camera. Anyway, can't wait to see me knees.... and me poopies

Fun wid me knees:

Since I had to do a bit of work with images yesterday, I also had a bit of fun with my niece's picture taken last November. Isn't that rain the coolest thing?

Finished my second round in 30:30

Yuppity-doo!! I'm done! It's fiesta time!

These last few poems were positively frankensteinish and excruciating to write --

  30. Cold Paradisiac Flies in the Skyline: Underbelly
  29. Cold Paradisiac Flies in the Skyline: Birdbath
  28. Cold Paradisiac Flies in the Skyline: Radio
  27. Cold Paradisiac Flies in the Skyline: Hurricane

I'm also relieved to be done with this war series which I agreed to do for an anthology. Let's hope the editor likes them. In the meantime, bottoms up!

Recent acceptances:

Eclectica accepted two word poems, Not So Much the Dark and The Twenty-First Secret Love Poem plus a normal one, Allure. The latter is actually based on my sis-in-law's experience walking the dog: this car drove up to her and a guy asked how much. Tickled me silly. I mean I can understand seeing a lone female silhouette in the night and thinking dirty... but a fifty-year-old woman with a Pomeranian is another thing altogether, methinks.

     Submission date: 11 May 2006
     Reply date: 8 June 2006

And, whooooopeeedooo, here's one more reason to uncork the prosecco!

Unpleasant Event Schedule has scheduled my cheeky poem, Ten-and-a-half reasons not to buy D for an October viewing. I'm really thrilled with this acceptance since the editor sent a nay the first time and I wasn't sure if I'd ever get in. I just love the poems in that 'zine.

     Submission date: 5 April 2006
     Reply date: 8 June 2006

Finished reading:

American Gods by Neil Gaiman... it's quite a page-turner! The plot is rather convoluted, but I rather like 'em that way. Enjoyed the idea/discourse about gods being quite dependent on what and how people think -- something to toy with mentally for a while. Made me want to leave some food out for the poor piskies.

First driving lesson outcome

Yikes. Got quite a bit of driver's block. Waaaah! I'm aghast about not recalling anything from the whole summer I practiced. True -- it was like 15 years ago, but I never thought I'd start from zero again. I didn't even know which was the gas pedal anymore... and --erm-- kept switching on the wipers instead of the right signal light.

The experience was rather nerve-wracking since the instructor kept barking out commands: Signal light! Turn right! Gas! Clutch! Brake! Go straight now! Straight! Straight! Don't you hear me? Straight! then snickering side comments in between, like Good turn. You did it nicely over that tree root. I'm beginning to fully grasp Michi's concept re: Italian obnoxiousness.

The cheeky fella also kept muttering underbreath: Assassina! Assassina! (which I doubt needs translation) I mean, REALLY. How childish. He even let me out the car early -- 45 minutes. I'll have to check if the lesson really lasts this short, because I paid or thought I paid for one whole hour. The silly guy also disappeared for some 10 minutes afterwards while I and another girl waited outside with the car -- she for her lessons, I for a ride back to the driving school. Boo!! I want another instructor! Someone with a calm, soothing voice and who doesn't talk too much. He's probably saying more or less the same about my maniacal laughter every time he panics. Hee.

I'll have another go at passersby (the instructor's wisecrack) on Monday. Let's see how that turns out. In the meantime, they've scheduled me for the written exam around end of July.

On a lighter note, since I could use one right now:

My Personality Is Like Marijuana

You're laid back and easy going, so much so that taking a shower is often too much trouble for you! (yikes, how'd they guess?!!) Nevertheless, you're quite popular, and many people enjoy your company. You're rarely turned down. (yeah right) You're prone to giggle fits, paranoia, and forgetting where you are exactly. (i knew it! someone's been spying on me!)

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

30:30 update:

Yay! Only 4 more poems to go. Can't wait for it to be over. I seriously need some free time for revisions, catching up on e-mails and also time off to study for the driving exam (more than 1600 test questions to learn by heart).

The latest poems are:

26. Cold Paradisiac Flies in the Skyline: Paracelsus
25. Cold Paradisiac Flies in the Skyline: Water
24. Bubble Gum
23. paradisiac
22. How a Mother Peels Fruit Before the Funeral
21. The Day She Was Called to Identify the Body

Currently reading:

American Gods by Neil Gaiman... the first 35 pages remind me of Piers Anthony's Incarnations of Immortality series (went crazy over them in high school). Correct me if I'm wrong though.

Have finished Jeffrey Eugenides' Middlesex. Wheeeee! Just plain loved it! Terrific story with lots of eye-opening tidbits about Greek immigrants and hermaphrodites. Thanks for the tip, Mick!

Results of the Sloat Weirdness Test

Have been scheduled on June 6 to have my first driving lesson -- up to now I've only been memorizing different kinds of car engines and their greasy insides. This, of course, has me thinking of --

What My Bumper Sticker Should Be

Even if the voices aren't real - they've got some great ideas

What Bumper Sticker Should Be On Your Car?

Due to peer pressure and the voices mentioned above, I've gone to Dr. Sloat for a scalp examination. Here's the result:

Arlene,
You are basically a stable person but have recently gone through a somewhat schizophrenic period. You are exactly 89.341% weird (if you had been an actual librarian the score would have been higher). You need a bit of grounding now, and nouns more than adjectives. Your prescription is Bob Hicok's "The Legend of Light."

Have taken my medicine and gone back to playing with my Sims -- half-heartedly. I seem more normal with them occupying part of my right brain. Downloading objects is equivalent to getting a bit of grounding, isn't it? And woooheeee, this living room is a beaut!