Monday, November 27, 2006

Bare Root Review and zafusy

Issue #3 of Bare Root Review is now online with works by Ashley Boles, Joe Bryant, Nancy Cluts, Richard Fein, Cassie McCain, H.A. Wetzler, J.W. Young and yours truly — even though my poem title states I'm elsewhere.

Have also got a minimalist poem on zafusy. It's so tiny that it's been taken for missing.

Not sure if the editors send out rejection notes. I just got an acceptance e-mail yesterday saying that missing can now be found on Page Two.

      Submission date: 6 September 2006
      Reply date: 26 November 2006

The best evil laughter in the world:

I was reading Lemony Snicket's "The Grim Grotto" (Book the Eleventh) over the weekend when I doubled up in snickers and delight. Thought I'd share the culprit — which I've tagged as "Count Olaf's Patent-Pending Wicked Laughter: No Villain Can Live at Home Without It." Here are some selected wicked laughs:

      Count Olaf... opened his mouth and began his new villainous laugh, which included new wheezes, bonus snarls, and an assortment of strange syllables the Baudelaires had never heard.

      "Ha ha ha heepa-heepa ho!" he cried. "Tee hee tort tort tort! Hot cha ha ha! Sniggle hee! Ha, if I do say so myself!"

* * * * * * * * * *

      "I'm happier than a pig eating bacon!" Count Olaf cried. "I'm tickled pinker than a sunburned Caucasian! I'm higher in spirits than a brand-new graveyard! I'm so happy-go-lucky that lucky people are going to beat me with sticks out of pure, unbridled jealousy! Ha ha jicama!"

* * * * * * * * * *

      "Guard the orphans, Triangle Eyes," Count Olaf said. "Although I don't think you orphans really need to be guarded. After all, there's nowhere to go! Tee hee traction!"

      "Giggle giggle gaudy!" Carmelita cried, leading the way out of the Main Hall.

      "Ha ha hair trigger"" Esmé screamed, following her.

      "Tee hee tonsillectomy!" Count Olaf shrieked, walking behind his girlfriend.

Snicker snickersnee hee hee henchmen! Isn't that the most admirable piece of literature ever?


michi said...

dear alimony snickers, you need to see a shrink. take your missing poem and your elsewhere persona with you.

po-ho, po-ho poqaej!


Sandy said...

Hi Arlene, you don't know me, just another starving poet in the But I wanted to let you know that I really enjoy your poetry. It's unique, refreshing, and crazy-good.

Sandy Hiss

SarahJane said...

congrats on the pubs, though a bit scary just to be accepted and not told about it.
love the lemony snicket excerpts. indeed refreshing writing. my daughter is at work on reading that series, too! i saw the movie recently and enjoyed it, but I'm sure the writing is better.

Liz said...

Arlene, just to say heaps of congrats on all your recent successes...interesting zines too : )

And chuck-a-chuck-a-lap-up-lap-up to that laugh that ain't a last. Brill. ; )


Anonymous said...

aren't you currently serving a term as spokespoetblogger for the evil laughing henchpersons union?? i smell a conflict of interest here... you're snickety, alright. right down to your ghiyds. every last one...

love the words, per usual.


Arlene said...

mathouse, not a shrink! i can't bear the thought... i'd prefer to be enlarged. maybe with silicon. **snicker sidekick**

thanks for dropping by, sandy! and the wonderful words. have added you to my links... i'm off to your place, too!

sarah... waah, did you just put in the same mental age as your daughter? **pouting potroast**

thanks liz! glad you enjoyed the laughs, too.

evil nick, thank you. though i have a feeling you'd prefer me to say nanu-nanu to match your age group. **tee hee turtleneck**