The village idiot missed her flight

It is a sad and shameful fact, but there it is. What still continues to escape A's logic is HOW she could have booked, printed her itinerary (three times), checked-in online and STILL got her flight hour wrong. Stooooooopid, stoooooooopid!!!

To make it brief, she COULD'VE SWORN (remember Zurich?) the departure was at 6:40, when it was in reality 6:20. She and the husband got to the airport just as the plane was about to depart. She was given the choice of taking the flight, but leaving her luggage behind or re-booking.

Because the contents of her luggage are of greater interest to her brother and his wife than she is, A decided not to risk appearing in Manila without (1) four boxes of Christmas "bread" with chocolate filling, (2) three packs of cookies with chocolate filling, (3) three instant mixtures to make pudding with chocolate filling and (4) two bottles of mandarincino (orange-flavored liquor) that her family nagged her to bring them. There's a kind of pattern here that doesn't seem normal, but it is not A's place to question things that are family.

It is true that A had been acting strange prior to departure. She appeared to have gotten into some kind of time warp and got stuck in Wednesday, the 28th for a whole week. She kept calling home every day since Monday, the 26th and telling whoever answered the phone that she was coming home "tomorrow". A realizes all these things now. Early this morning, during sleep, she snapped her jaws and woke up biting her goosedown pillow. She's had to pay a huge fine, after all.

At any rate, A has been rescheduled to leave on the 30th. Which is today. She thinks.

Looking at the positive side —

• The ground stewardess who re-booked her flight complimented A on how well she was taking it because "others" usually take out their frustration on her. She didn't know she was talking to an alien. Anyway, some plane jokes were exchanged. Another ground stewardess joined the party and everyone had a good laugh. However, when they said, "Arriverderci!" the husband butted in, "Well, we certainly hope never to see you again!"

• At being told the news, A's family and the husband's family laughed themselves silly over the phone. They thought it was better than reality tv.

• A managed to reduce the pile of unwashed clothes to waist-height (hers). She hated leaving the husband to do all the housework she never did. His smug declaration was: Now I can clean up the house without having you dirty it immediately. Really. Talk about delusions of orderliness.

• A got to finish her bottle of Marzemino. She has no qualms about bad-mouthing her brother's wine in public because it's so bad that she actually prefers to remain sober. During the holidays, too.

• A received Only Connect, a gorgeous 128-paged anthology recently published by Cinnamon Press.

• A has wrapped up her 10th round at 30:30 and is slumping into 100% vacation mode. And, because of this, A can watch as many in-flight movies as she can stick into the twelve-hour flight from Amsterdam to Manila without once going, "What to write, what to write."

• And last, but not the least, A managed to mail her chapbook to the people who requested a signed copy. YAY!

The package arrived on the 27th — it was the COD package because the publisher made the mistake of declaring the retail price of the goods (CAN$70). Even though it was marked it as a gift, the customs people still considered it taxable.

So, a word of advice to people who are sending stuff overseas: Just declare the sentimental value of gifts you send through the post and not their retail value.

Recent acceptance:

• Agenda, a UK-based 'zine accepted three poems, Under a wide flounced skirt, Sunday Bath and We are rarely prepared for various issues online.

They accept only hard-copy submissions — but they respond via e-mail.

     Submission mailed: 25 September 2007
     E-mail reply: 27 November 2007

Recent photography:

• Have got eight images in the new issue (#5) of Siren. Was so thrilled to find three poems by Valerie Fox here!

• • • • • •

Well, that's it. I'm outta here. Really. I can do it. I'm off to catch that plane today. I've an extra-large fly swatter.

In pre-departure panic

Gaaaaak. Have decided to go home at the last minute and spend Christmas there. Am leaving on Wednesday. My mom still hasn't gotten better. She's in quite a lot of bone pain... which isn't a good sign.

Have been trying to wrap things up here, laundry- and email-wise, but seriously doubt I can get everything done before I leave. At some point, I think I'd have to start packing.

Need to be at five different places tomorrow: yoga class, the jeweler's, the supermarket, the pet shop and the post office — got a strange note today that a C.O.D. package arrived for me. If it's about my chapbook copies and they're taxing me, I'll scream and start eating my winter coat (from collar downwards).

Recent acceptances:

• Seam, a UK-based print magazine accepted two fresh-from-30:30 poems, The Plagiarist and Outdoors for their Spring 2008 issue.

They accept only hard-copy submissions — but they will respond via e-mail. They've got an admirably fast response time, too!

     Submission mailed: 29 October 2007
     E-mail reply: 12 November 2007

• The Chimaera accepted my poem, Agoraphobia for their January 2008 issue. This is one slick 'zine. And they're including mp3 recordings, too. Did mine this morning — with sound effects. Heheh. An alien can't be heard in public without fancy storms and some glass breaking, can it?

     Submission date: 28 October 2007
     Reply date: 23 November 2007

Recent publications:

• Issue #17 of Right Hand Pointing is now up with very ticklish poetry by Molly Schoemann, Ken Jones, Joe Balaz,Christopher Major, David Jordan, Doug Draime, Michael Frissore, Helen R. Peterson, Michael Ogletree, Ron Singer, Victoria Clayton Munn, Howard Good and a person who addresses her navel as Antoine.

• The Commonline Project #11 has works by Wayne Mason, Gail Kelley, MK Butler, Jennifer Best, Zoe Alexandra, Bryan Chabrow, Zachary C. Bush, Luis Cauuhtemoc Berriozabal, Nicole Cartwright Denison, Alex Gallo-Brown, Bryon D. Howell, Joseph Veronneau, Kayleigh Hindricks, Doug Draime and Uncle Pete's neck (deceased).

Am so thrilled to see Non-other-than-X in this issue. It makes it easier for an alien to abduct her when she's surrounded by other people. Where I come from, Nachos are served with jalapeno sauce.

Over and out —


John Vick was such a darling to send me this picture of him while he was reading my 30:30 poem, I'm not supposed to wear this gorilla costume. The gorilla's face is shaped like a mutant potato, and something about that just makes my day every time I see it. If you want to get a huge laugh and see John in action, click here.
Well, this other gorilla is outta here!

Somebody we know raided...

... the PlayFirst site two weeks ago and has been at it ever since. It is all very shameful and shameless, like that lascivious not-so-handsome prince in Fairy Godmother Tycoon. A's official reason is she's just scouting for good computer games to present her niece as soon as she comes of age (not for another 10 years).

So, what else has A been up to — apart from metamorphosing more and more into Lex, that bookworm with orange glasses, helium-packed voice, green pallor and too many tongues in one cheek?

• On October 29th, A gave in to her baser instincts and fell off the 30:30 wagon. In three days she played Chocolatier, Plant Tycoon, Wedding Dash, Build-a-Lot, Cake Mania and Burger Rush. All rather silly games, but she managed to scratch that itch until it bled and stopped itching.

• A picked her scabs off the floor and returned to arranging them on paper (called poetry). Today is day 11 of Round X. Again.

• After a brief vacation, A is back in the novel-writing sandbox with her favorite playmate, Valerie. We have, more or less, reached the milestone of 20,000 words. There's been a lot of conjecture about God and wine. At some point, A made the hero write: I'm not sure I don't believe in God. After all, I believe in wine.

• Because she fancies herself a fiction writer now, A is trying to inject dialogue into her everyday life. The trick is to pretend it's just God wanting more wine or the wine wanting more of God.

• A had to operate on her laptop because its internal fan was making all sorts of indecent helicopter noises. Inside, she found tons of fluff.

Fantastic, A muttered, a computer who gets hairballs.

What did you expect? Your laptop fan is the closest thing we've got to a vacuum working around here, the husband quipped.

It was a good thing that after the operation, the laptop has had the good sense to keep silent. The husband has been silenced as well. Like God or wine, dialog may have deleterious side effects where a spouse is involved.

• A spent a couple of days photoshopping more pictures for the upcoming issue of Siren. In the process, she realized she's an awful photographer. If there's any straight line in the picture, she's bound to get it crooked. Her eyes were so disgusted after the first day that they gave her a migraine. Pure spite.

• Even though A hasn't driven in over a year, her reputation remains alive in everyone's hearts. Because of the tighter alcohol control on Saturday night drivers, her sister-in-law's husband proposed to make A drive them home sober — this to prove to the authorities that it is actually dangerous to be sober while driving.

• Not a peep out of A's Secret Love Poems chapbook copies yet. She suspects it's become a post office love secret.

• The husband emerged victorious from a smit fraud virus battle (his third). It's a really scary beast because it gets through despite all the anti-virus programs we've got on and once it's in, it deactivates them. A was cheering him on through it all — because she knows it's just a matter of time before her laptop catches it, too.

I'll charge you heavy for the house call, you know, the husband snickered.

You can't, A replied sweetly. We live in the same house together. Plus, you're the husband. I get to use your services for free. It's in the constitution.

• What else? A has decided to do the laundry today... before the pile of dirty clothes topples over, buries her alive and takes over the house and her recently opened Restaurant Empire.

Recent publication:

• The first issue of Cha: An Asian Literary Journal is now up with poetry by Bryan Thao Worra, Russell C. Leong, Reid Mitchell, Heng Siok Tian, Cyril Wong, Bob Bradshaw, Kavita Jindal, Leung Ping Kwan, Christopher Kelen, Mani Rao, Nicholas Wong, Elbert S.P. Lee and someone with a morbid fear of geckoes (especially copulating ones).

An interesting blog and three new 'zines:

• Came across Poet Hound while fooling around with my submissions. It's a blog dedicated to connecting people to poetry whether it be for the first time or attracting seasoned veterans. Some really fab market reviews. If, like me, you wake up some days and don't know where to send your stuff, let the pooch lead you to it!

• Mascara Poetry is a neat 'zine which publishes a wide range of styles and voices. They're particularly interested in the work of contemporary Australasian poets, but consider work from around the globe. The keyword with them seems to be innovation.

• For people who haiku and senryu their hours away — Roadrunner Journal may just make the Wile E. Coyote in you howl.

• Taiga is a print journal scheduled to go to press in the Summer of 2008 and are accepting submissions for the their first issue until February 29, 2008. Based on what I've gleaned, they seem to like poems that are crisp, clean and eerie — humor is seen as a plus.

In pre-Halloween mode

Sticking my tongue out today. Have banned myself from touching the laptop because I always end up playing Chocolatier — when I should be replying to e-mails, sending out submissions, calling home, hauling my ass on the treadmill and writing.

In the meantime —

• There was a stomach flu epidemic in our little house in Manila. I declined my sis-in-law's kind invitation to come over and help spread it across Europe.

• My winter wardrobe came out of the closet to inform me that it's already winter.

• The pile of dirty clothes in the bathroom has reached the level of my chin.

• My mom-in-law has, after more than a week, finally recovered from a bad case of hives. Cause, as yet, unknown.

• My two-going-to-three-year-old niece received the Best Creative Design Award for her Halloween costume. She was the only one who showed up as a witch in her class. I have a feeling she's going to top the weirdness test someday.

And talking of Halloween and Blogthings—

I Am (rumored to be) an Alien

You're so strange, people occasionally wonder if you're from another world. You don't try to be different, but you see most things from a very unique, very offbeat perspective. Brilliant to the point of genius, you definitely have some advanced intelligence going on. No matter what circles you travel in, you always feel like a stranger. And it's a feeling you've learned to like. Your greatest power: Your superhuman brain Your greatest weakness: Your lack of empathy - you just don't get humans You play well with: Zombies [insert picture of Husband here]

So, tell me,
What Kind of Monster Are You?

Recent fiction acceptance:

• Valerie and I were simply overjoyed when Admit Two — an online journal that features only works of collaboration — accepted our ticklish rabbit story, I Have Names For the Ways They Twitch Their Ears for their March 2008 issue.

This story was in the submission box of A Public Space since last December. A little critter got tired of waiting. Such a shame because they've got a really cool submission system — where you can see the status of your work and withdraw it as you please.

     Submission date: 28 September 2007
     Reply date: 17 October 2007

Recent publications:

• Issue of 3 of Mimesis is now out with poems by Annie Bien, Jeff Calhoun, Anthony DiMatteo, Brent Fisk, Fred Johnston, Matt Merritt, Derek Motion, Steve Mueske, Alistair Noon, Chris Powici, Dave Rowley, Carolyn Srygley-Moore, Jon Stone, Mark Terrill and Emily Tesh. One of my poems, Cordon Bleu is among the samples in the preview page. Am so thrilled to find fellow 30:30ers, Annie and Dave in this issue, too!

Am still waiting for my copy though. Postal service seems sluggish lately — the new postwoman only comes twice week. Am still waiting for my Secret Love Poems (Rubicon Press) copies, which were mailed to me last week.

• The October 2007 issue of Blood Orange Review is now online with poetry by Kate Cumiskey, Ayn Frances dela Cruz, Brent Fisk, Todd Heldt, David W. Landrum, Don Mager, Wendy C. Ortiz, Sasha Pimentel Chacón, Nicholas Ripatrazone, M.E. Silverman and an economy-class passenger who's never made it into any frequent flyer program because she hasn't been flying frequently enough.

[apwn] and alice blue

Finished my 9th round at 30:30 on October 9th and have just started on my 10th.

In-between, more or less in this order —

• A wrote an essay for a charity project, wherein she likened her writing process to playing with Mrs Potato Head.

• A clapped her hands real hard for a total of 33 minutes because the husband finally decided to get a new cheap tv. At last count, their old one only had two channels — the rest was tv snow. A wasn't very pleased. But A doesn't nag, A writes fiction. She made one hero quote his wife: You need to do something about that f**king tv, you said, because the channels are going out one by one like f**king birthday candles.

• A got some kind of UTI and bled for some hours into the toilet bowl (certainly better than outside it) — which is why A is using the third person: pain is more tolerable to write about when you pretend it is someone else's.

• A tried to get a better grip on the novel-writing situation: taking apart mss then putting it together again.

• A spent two whole afternoons talking with her family [via Yahoo messenger] — the mother wasn't feeling so good and had to be put on IV. Things, however, have improved and stabilized.

• A played Emperor until it crashed on her — probably due to an overload of cheat codes. Ahem.

Recent acceptance:

• Marginalia — an annual literary review published and edited by the English Department of Western State College in Gunnison, Colorado — accepted my ticklish poem: My SimCity Llama Has a Cold.

I really ought to play SimCity more — it's so, erm, educational and inspiring.

     Submission date: 28 June 2007
     Reply date: 13 October 2007

Recent publications:

• [apwn] has published two oldish poems, Bali in Retrospect and Washing of the Feet in their Auto Biography Edition (edited by Ivy Alvarez).

• Issue 7 of alice blue is now online with poetry by Sarah Bartlett, Mark Cunningham, Betsy Fagin, Emily Kendal Frey, Matt McBride, Anne Marie Rooney, Zachary Schomburg, Joshua A Ware and IT (as in, Cousin).

Amusing myself on the 26th day (round IX)

Since I'm not much use at concentrating on anything today, thought I'd amuse myself by blogging. Haven't really got anything interesting to say about my life. But in case anyone suspects that I've been torturing cats with a pepper spray, I haven't. I've got nothing to be guilty about. Really. Here's a short rundown of what I've been doing with myself:

• Slaving over a novel (in verse) with Valerie — and doing it under the 30:30 shelter.

• Have waged a four-day war with maggots that came out of a huge fruit fly when I swatted it down in the kitchen.

• Looking up at the bathroom wall and waiting for a tile to fall on my head [four have come out... so far not one on my head yet.]

• Bribing Caesar with trinkets to blind him into believing I'm an efficient governor.

• Drinking.

• In bed with the laptop, doing things I can't admit in public. I'll let your filthy minds wonder about that. **snicker sesame oil**

Recent acceptance and call for subs:

• Right Hand Pointing accepted three poems: Please Meet My Navel, Bob-and-Anne's Seafood Carbonara and Fridge Note for their humor issue (#17).

They're still considering submissions for that issue. Getting the length just right is a bit tricky and quite a challenge. Make sure to check out the guidelines first — it's quite ticklish, especially the note about not wanting poems about pets (dead or alive)... but being attracted to natural objects that are embedded in someone’s head. So, think:

     Submission date: 9 September 2007
     Reply date: 4 October 2007

Publications received:

Was so surprised and delighted today to find a package of books Ellaraine Lockie was so kind to send to me.

• Mules of Love by Ellen Bass. Have only peeked briefly, but I've already got a soft spot for:

The Thing Is

to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.

* * * * *

Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.

Ain't that gorgeous?

• Thin Air Magazine (Summer 2007) is neat magazine, flat-spined with a glossy photo cover, containing an eclectic range of poetry, fiction and b/w artwork. They're also accepting work (only by snailmail though) until 30 November 2007.

• SLAB (Sound and Literary Art Book) is a lovely anthology — around 230+ pages with a matte card cover . Ellaraine received 1st place in their Elizabeth R. Curry Poetry Contest. Results and poems may be read here. They are currently accepting submissions via e-mail and snailmail. Check out the guidelines.

I was really tickled pink by the bios at the end — the editors had some really fun questions which I thought might be fun to share with fellow bloggers. Which is why I'm....

Playing this SLAB tag:

Anyone reading this, consider yourself tagged — unless I get you first.

1. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
Skipping yoga class.

2. How do you take your coffee?
I don't take coffee. I partake of the husband's coffee — with sugar and a drop of milk. What they call macchiato in Italian. As opposed to caffe latte, which is milk with a drop of coffee. Don't get me started on the many decadent ways Italians take their coffee.

3. Who were you in a previous life?
In the worst possible scenario, Jack the Ripper. In the best, Freud.

4. Who or what is your greatest influence?
It's cheesy, but I'd say, good ol' dad.

5. What is the worst film you ever paid to see?
Hannibal. And that was the last time I went to the cinema.

6. What is the best thing you can buy for a dollar?
A 90-cent stamp for one SASE. And hey, I've still got 10 cents! Isn't that a prime sample of my good budgeting skills? Hee.

7. What is the worst present you ever received?
Probably a lacy red underwear from the husband's niece. The bra was several sizes too small — I didn't know whether to feel smug (because my breasts are bigger that *that*) or insulted (because everyone thinks they're smaller than they look).

8. What is your favorite word?
Bucket. I'm practically married to it by now.

Eclectica poems and Umbrella acceptance

The October-November issue of Eclectica is now online. With poetry by Michaela A. Gabriel/Nathan McClain, Daniel Barbiero, Scott Urban, Ellen Kombiyil, Jayne Pupek, Oliver Rice, Les Kay, Ray Templeton, Theresa White, Kimberly L. Becker, Bob Bradshaw, Lafayette Wattles, Dorothee Lang, Jason Kelly Richards, Barbara De Franceschi, Paul Hostovsky, Jennifer Finstrom and mumblemumble [Aftermath and The heart stops momentarily].

Recent acceptance:

• Umbrella accepted a poem, Col San Martino and a sonnenizio on a line from Jarman, Open House.

     Submission date: 29 August 2007
     Reply date: 25 September 2007

Just for fun:

Discovered this ticklish Sims 2 video at YouTube — ticklish because I know the actual commands that were used to make the Sims do what they had to do on film. The melding of the two versions (English and Simlish) of Charlotte Martin's Beautiful Life is rather cool, too!