Friday, November 30, 2007

The village idiot missed her flight

It is a sad and shameful fact, but there it is. What still continues to escape A's logic is HOW she could have booked, printed her itinerary (three times), checked-in online and STILL got her flight hour wrong. Stooooooopid, stoooooooopid!!!

To make it brief, she COULD'VE SWORN (remember Zurich?) the departure was at 6:40, when it was in reality 6:20. She and the husband got to the airport just as the plane was about to depart. She was given the choice of taking the flight, but leaving her luggage behind or re-booking.

Because the contents of her luggage are of greater interest to her brother and his wife than she is, A decided not to risk appearing in Manila without (1) four boxes of Christmas "bread" with chocolate filling, (2) three packs of cookies with chocolate filling, (3) three instant mixtures to make pudding with chocolate filling and (4) two bottles of mandarincino (orange-flavored liquor) that her family nagged her to bring them. There's a kind of pattern here that doesn't seem normal, but it is not A's place to question things that are family.

It is true that A had been acting strange prior to departure. She appeared to have gotten into some kind of time warp and got stuck in Wednesday, the 28th for a whole week. She kept calling home every day since Monday, the 26th and telling whoever answered the phone that she was coming home "tomorrow". A realizes all these things now. Early this morning, during sleep, she snapped her jaws and woke up biting her goosedown pillow. She's had to pay a huge fine, after all.

At any rate, A has been rescheduled to leave on the 30th. Which is today. She thinks.

Looking at the positive side

• The ground stewardess who re-booked her flight complimented A on how well she was taking it because "others" usually take out their frustration on her. She didn't know she was talking to an alien. Anyway, some plane jokes were exchanged. Another ground stewardess joined the party and everyone had a good laugh. However, when they said, "Arriverderci!" the husband butted in, "Well, we certainly hope never to see you again!"

• At being told the news, A's family and the husband's family laughed themselves silly over the phone. They thought it was better than reality tv.

• A managed to reduce the pile of unwashed clothes to waist-height (hers). She hated leaving the husband to do all the housework she never did. His smug declaration was: Now I can clean up the house without having you dirty it immediately. Really. Talk about delusions of orderliness.

• A got to finish her bottle of Marzemino. She has no qualms about bad-mouthing her brother's wine in public because it's so bad that she actually prefers to remain sober. During the holidays, too.

• A received Only Connect, a gorgeous 128-paged anthology recently published by Cinnamon Press.

• A has wrapped up her 10th round at 30:30 and is slumping into 100% vacation mode. And, because of this, A can watch as many in-flight movies as she can stick into the twelve-hour flight from Amsterdam to Manila without once going, "What to write, what to write."

• And last, but not the least, A managed to mail her chapbook to the people who requested a signed copy. YAY!

The package arrived on the 27th — it was the COD package because the publisher made the mistake of declaring the retail price of the goods (CAN$70). Even though it was marked it as a gift, the customs people still considered it taxable.

So, a word of advice to people who are sending stuff overseas: Just declare the sentimental value of gifts you send through the post and not their retail value.

Recent acceptance:

Agenda, a UK-based 'zine accepted three poems, Under a wide flounced skirt, Sunday Bath and We are rarely prepared for various issues online.

They accept only hard-copy submissions — but they respond via e-mail.

     Submission mailed: 25 September 2007
     E-mail reply: 27 November 2007

Recent photography:

• Have got eight images in the new issue (#5) of Siren. Was so thrilled to find three poems by Valerie Fox here!

• • • • • •

Well, that's it. I'm outta here. Really. I can do it. I'm off to catch that plane today. I've an extra-large fly swatter.


michi said...

if you are reading this, maybe you missed the flight after all?

have fun. with all the chocolate. and haahahahaaaahaaaa who are you trying to kid with that "staying sober" thing?!

m x

Ivy said...

Oops, that previous one was me -- if at all possible, please remove it. I'm a bit dopey this morning.

Here's what I wrote: "Sorry to hear you missed your flight--I know how stressful that can be. But hey, congratulations on the acceptances and publications! Woowoo!

Bon voyage!"

Anonymous said...

astronome: flap those tentacles harder, HARDer! then shall ye be airborne (like certain illnesses). the shots in siren are 2dye4:swirlymakemego:ooohh.

good to see you doing civic duty to ply choco-wares wor(l)dwide. swiss miss has nothing on you!


Liz said...

Hiya Arlene,

Hope you're safely installed with family by now : ) What a scenario with the it felt good actually getting up there.: )

Your photos in siren are scrumptious - so, so, so 'heart' them...congrats on the pubs too.


P.S. hope you got my pm...laptop playing up so not sure what really goes or what gets lost!

Anonymous said...

hey arlene! i got the chapbook a while ago in the mail but haven't got round to writing to you. i love it! thank you for not forgetting about me :] i wish you all the best and happy holidays!

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