Saturday, August 08, 2009

Event Museum Rules

There are those who would ask: Why do these museum employees write in the third person? What happened to the first person? Was foul play involved?

By contract, the museum staff is required to use the third person at all times as this facilitates the concept of having sheep for brains. As part of the museum's public relations campaign, a short film on personnel recruitment has been made available to the concerned community:

As primary job requirement, all employees need to have previously existed as Tim the Enchanter (interested parties may take the FB Test to find out if they are Event Museum material). When it doubt while searching for the washroom, the public is advised to address a museum employee as O Tim. Codeword for the washroom is The Holy Grail.

Photo of museum guard in summer uniform wearing the customary ram horns and ID.

Recent events in the Event Museum:

• The 2009 Contest Finalists Festival and Treasure Hunt: Marsh Hawk Press Room, Ground Floor

Activities on this modern farm include food, wagon rides, music, reading activities and lots more. Visitors may also be asked to join in finding these secret objects around the museum and capture them with a digital camera: Arlene Ang, Rebecca Aronson, Anne Babson, Douglas Blazek, Jack Coulehan, Kimberly Davis, John Estes, Bernadette Geyer, Jamey Hecht, Carolyn Hembree, Matthew Hittinger, Lesley Jenike, Cory McClellan, Luigi Monteferrante, Carrie Oeding, Deniz Perin, Richard Robbins, Hugo Rodriguez, Sarah Wetzel Fishman, and S. Scott Whitaker. Hints are available at the front desk.

Day of the Dead: The Contrary Hall, 2nd Floor (Summer 2009)

Family-oriented activities. For example, volunteers will be asked to choose someone dead to bring to life in an animated film or to keep in a jar. Best accompanied by white wine or vodka.

Dead Men Talking: Museum Graveyard, Lot #10 (August 2009)

The current rotation includes words by Arlene Ang, David Gwilym Anthony, Greg Billingham, Michael Cantor, Enriqueta Carrington, Antonia Clark, Mary Cresswell, Ann Drysdale, Bill Greenwell, John Milbury-Steen, Timothy Murphy, Frank Osen, Rob Plath, Daniel Sluman, C.P. Stewart, and Peter Wyton; and a selection of art by Patricia Wallace Jones recording Shit Creek Review's upstream voyage from silence into vibrant conversations with the dead.

Origami Condom: Safety First Gallery, 5th Floor (7 August 2009)

A selection of 39 safety procedures required when reading and/or writing poetry—a prison pass, self-extinction, improved room acoustics—from this prominent 14th PDF collection, most never before exhibited outside the North Pole. Some collaborations (with Valerie Fox) are featured due to the complex nature of condoms.